thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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