nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
