We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
