I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
