you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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