Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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