I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
