For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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