Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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