my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
