Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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