someone threw a dead crab at me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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