Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Less talking, more tequila
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize