Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
