mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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