Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A+ Viking dick
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
