I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.