I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
