Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.