it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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