marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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