Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
