i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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