the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to calm my uterus...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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