I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
