Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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