I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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