Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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