I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
