i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
