if you like me you must not know who I am
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
