so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
