i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
