dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
