The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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