Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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