you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
