I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
