It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
