Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
