What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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