we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
