When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
