dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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