life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The best revenge is premature balding
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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