I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
