i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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