The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
