Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
