The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
