Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize