well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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