I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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