I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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