Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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