First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm passing your future prison.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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