i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
