I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
