Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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