Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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