Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
