I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
