you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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