moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I want is dick and wine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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