That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
