A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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