If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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