the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just found a bag of teeth...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
