Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
