I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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