nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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