Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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