Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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