"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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