oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
babies were throwing up all over the place
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
