If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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