did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
