the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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