You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
