Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
