and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
