Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
