Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
