whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
